Powerless by Linkin Park

am i right in this path? should i have chosen the other where i am on safer, more comfortable waters? i don't know..i have never been in such a situation before..i want to get out of it..i don't know what to do..yes..part of me is with her..with the future..but the other part, the promises, the memories, its there..

should i actually just walk away from all of it..should i just turn a blind eye and not go back to it..just leave it as it is..the past..

i just feel so hopeless, careless, powerless..

what am i suppose to do? what should i do? should i ask her? did i think this through? Yes it hurts, it effing does..but my head has not been right since that day..i have not been myself, i have been angrier, fuzzier, crazier..getting more and more emotional by the day..

how i wonder if im like this if i chose the other way..how i wonder if i will still be like this if i had chosen the past..its not regret..its more of curiousness..and doubt..its harder with you yes..its what i needed yes..its what i have...yes..its what i have..

im scared to feel hurt again, to be robbed again..but whose to say the same won't happen if i go back..whose to say that the waters are maybe just a calm before a storm..its all there..the risk, the heartache, the pain..it will always be there..but with whom? to whom? of whom? are those storm for..

I watched you fall apart.
and chased you to the end.
I'm left with emptiness.
that words cannot defend.
You'll never know what I became because of you.
Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose.

they say its always about the journey not the destination, but what if the journey and the destination isn't what we had in mind at all? what then?

later..

Love Bites ( So Do I) by Halestorm

DO NOT MISS TYPE THAT BAND'S NAME OR SONG!

loL! i cnt stress enough how much i love this song and the band at the moment..such an empowering song, its at the moment is my comfort song..

i went to a rampage of emotional sorts these 3 weeks which is crazy..loL! im ok..and i would love to thank those that was there for me..there are so many people..and as much as i want to acknowledge everyone, one by one..

im just afraid i might left out someone..which is what i dont want to do..see..i appreciate them all..i love them all..and the reason why im no longer in an emotional wreck is because of them...

you see during my time when i was being emo..there were people who were looking for me for comfort and advise, but i selfishly turn them away..and i don't want to do that..thats not me..

so yeah..the reason why im no longer in self pity is because of them..i want to help them..and if im like emo..i cnt do so..so yeah..loL!

everyone in my life means so much to me..and i cnt express how much they mean to me..cuz its impossible..all i can say is the 3 famous words, the 3 words i used to say to HER, now im saying to all of you..

I Love You..and thank you..so much for being apart of me..thank you so much everyone.. :)

LATER!!

Space Bound by Eminem

i want to say i miss you..but i cnt..no..i wont..cuz i dont want to trouble you..burden you..i want you to be happy..i really do..

im alive yes..but living like this..wondering abt you..missing you every minute..knowing you're a drive and a phone call away..is hurting me..

i knw i brought this all on myself..but i jst feel so..alone..and sad..like nothing is right around here..nothing is right without you..

i wish i cn knw if you miss me..i wish we could go back..be together..happy..

i will catch you when you fall..i will try my best and my life to be there for you..and if you are reading this..please..please knw..that i love you..i love you so much..and it hurts cuz i cnt say that to you anymore..

if i was given the chance..to be with you again..i will take that chance..cuz i want to be with you..with all my heart and soul i do..you are my life..and i gave everything for you..and if we were to be together again..i will give you more..so that you cn become happy with me..

i jst want you back..at my side..i want you back..

Love the Way You Lie by Eminem feat Rihanna

i told everyone that we were alright..people came asking for advice, i gave my own relationship as an example..but in the end..ironically..my own relationship was in trouble..

you fought for me..i really appreciate that..seriously..the fact that you had no feelings for me but still want to be with me, to hopefully gain it back..is..amazing..and i thank you for it..

we left on good terms..which is what amazed me..im still ok..i think..it just hasnt sunk in like really sunk in..i knw i will be in my depressed mode soon..but at the moment no..

2 years is a long time..i jst cnt believe..that after everything we went through..in the end..we're still not together..funny..

i love you..so much..and i will never find another like you..you were so special to me..for me..in my life..past, present and future..

im so lost at the moment..cuz you were always there..in my life..now you're there no longer..i don't knw what to do..its weird..its scary..

thats it then..later..

Warrior & Power by B.A.P

loL! am in love with this korean boyband..they are really good..the sound, the song, the dance..best, absolute, perfect..haha..awesome!

now..i hv nothing much to talk abt, everything has been going well..you cn ignore the last post about all those emo-ish feeling..though..it was real..just ignore, hahaha..

going to look for a job soon, preferably a tuition center where at least i can gain experience in teaching along the way, kumon is good..but you dnt actually teach..you're more like tutoring...which is not fun..

i want to stand in front and speak and teach..not sit at the desk and wait until the kids come and ask how to do this..though it is apart of teaching..its just that, im hoping to gain more..

so..

im thinking of going to look for one at my past tuition centers which i attended, hopefully i can land a job there part time for 2 months or so..if i still cnt get that..then my other option is to work at a game store..or Baskin Robbins, though ridiculous fun..its not up my alley yet..

so yeah..thats my dilemma at the moment, i was actually going to post a list of my favourite action cartoons, not animes, but cartoons, hence the title..loL! but somehow i got sidetrack and bored..so yeah..

LATER!!!

It's War by MBLAQ

as much as this post contradicts my last one..i dont care..i jst needed to vent out..im sorry..

have you ever read back on all those messages a year ago..on fb i mean..some how i miss the girl that is always mad at me abt everything..cuz at least i knw what you feel..now..it seems like..i don't knw anything..i knw you are definitely going to be annoyed by me saying this, i guess because you feel pressured..but i wont be saying these things..if im ok..the fact is im not..and somehow..i dnt think you knw that..i dnt mean you should contact me 24/7..but at least..ask me how i am, how your day went, hows exam..cuz when we went out 3 days ago..you didnt ask me how i was..i had to tell you..like im forcing my whole life on you..i feel like im nothing..you're probably annoyed by now..and i probably deserve it..putting you through all this on your vacation..its not fair i put this on you..its not..but its not fair that you never seem to put anything on me either..i dont want us ignore each other..i want us to talk..i dont want us to be annoyed with each other..i want us to listen..i dont want us to scream at each other..i want us to laugh..like we used to..i want to be used..i want to be your punching bag..i am your sacrificial lamb..and i dont think you understand that..i am always here for you..but yet you keep walking away and turn to someone else..have you ever thought of me? of how i feel? of how i am?

to feel like a piece of thread on your clothes..being there every time..covering you from the sun..taking it all in..but instead you put on a sweater, or a jacket..and not use me..

as horrible as anology as that was..its true..i feel wasted..i feel abandoned..i feel dead..

but the moment i see you..i hope and pray..that you would ask me, say something abt me, ask anything abt me..but nothing happened..every time my hopes reaches the highest peak..it fell back rolling on rocky surface, tumbling and crashing..

i need you in my life..dont you understand that?

Fantastic Baby by Big Bang

wow..dead as a blog can be..how long has it been..hows everyone doing? good? still flying? still living?

awesome..

i've been doing good..hard..but good..long distance is tough..i realised that from the get go..but i never understood it.until it really happened..crazy..

for a clingy bastard like myself..i tend to be annoying cuz i message too much and call too much..

but..my gf..she said the most amazing thing to me..when a friend of hers asked her..

"are you ok with zaki? i mean he seems sorta clingy..too clingy.." the friend said..
she replied "i know, and im happy that he's clingy with me and not some other girl"

i lit up..

literally..my heart was filled with flowers that it can become a garden at that moment..

you know when read those instagram or hipster pictures, that said..when you meet someone who loves you for your imperfections, it means they really love you..

and i never get those..until..she said that..

im so happy i found her..im so happy i met her..im so happy im with her..

p/s: i may not yet reach the pinnacle of my relationship, namely marriage, but i think i have the right to say...i went through tough times..and i mean tough times to finally find the right one..whose to say you wont find yours through everything you went through..

so yeah..good luck..cheers..have fun, take care..

LATER!!!

Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson (Glee Cover)

well actually i should've typed in 2CELLO's cover..since its their arrangement and GLEE jst placed their voices on them..but nevertheless, a great rendition...


if you haven't notice it yet..my songs have been ranging from powerful ballads to head bobbing rock to soulful RnB to rythmic Pop, and the thing is because..im a dancer..

crazy thing..you can dance to any song! imagine that!! loL! but yes..thats why for me, if my head bobs, or sways, or moves, or even fell to the floor when listening to a song/sound/music, i will listen to it..

its not about mainstream or indies or anything..if i can groove to it then i will keep on listening it..

hahaha, crazy but yes..even rock has a dance, its called head banging and air instruments (i.e air guitar and air drums are the popular ones).

the other thing what i love about music is..somehow..there is always a song for every moment..i mean take Hans Zimmer for example his Mombassa score is fantastic for anger or jst suspense moments to cool down the nerves..

songs have different effect on people, same thing with justin bieber, i dnt hate the kid..its jst he is EVERYWHERE!! i jst got complacent is all..annoyed..loL! but then he comes out with songs like never say never, somebody to love and little drummer boy...love those songs..

 

 

to feel is to know..

LATER!!!

p/s: new background, yes different blog? no..and also do check out 9gag.com, if you dnt already know..

When We Were Young by Take That

such a heartfelt song..definitely puts me back to the good old days..sigh..

anyways..today..is about DREAMS!! loL! yes i did a post about this already..its here if you guys want to read about it..mind you..its an old post so..my english was better then..hahahahaha..

anyways..that was about how we can have a liquid dream..meaning a dream where we are concious about having a dream..today is about fun facts on dreams..reason?? cause i was browsing through 9gag.com when i stumbled upon this post on dreams..so yeah..thought i'd share it with everyone..

 

its ok..if you guys can see that i've provided the links to the post HERE

do read about it..its really interesting..

after reading about those facts i started becoming curious, so i looked up symbols in dreams on google and a link to a Dictionary from A-Z on every thing in a dream..really fun..now you can look it up the moment you wake up from one..

well thats that, now time to get back to having fun..these are some other stuff i found on my fave website memebase.com and 9gag.com, have fun! LATER!!!!

 

ps: sorry for the long post..though i had fun..hope you did..

Dedication to my Ex by LLoyd feat. Andre 3000 and Lil Wayne

Loving that song at the moment..

for those of you who did notice, YES IM BACK!!!! WEEEEEE!!!

and for those that didnt, well here's the story, 2 weeks ago i was watching a youtube video, i wanted to comment on the video, but turns out i didnt have an account with this email, so i tried to make one, and then when it reached my bday, my mouse accidentally clicks at finish, with my birthday being, 1/1/2012, so yeah..suddenly, out of nowhere, google just decided to ban me unless i show proof that i am 13 years an older..

if i don't they will delete my email, and everything that affiliates, under google product, with it..meaning my blog would be in jeapordy..which i wont be taking lying down..

thus i uploaded my id on the web, and waited...waited...waited...and waited...

2 weeks gone by..and only 16 days left..owh yeah forgot to mention they game a 30 days notice...

and today i finally got it, so YAY!!!! woot woot!

well thats it for now..

LATER!!!

Drummer Boy by Justin Bieber feat Busta Rhymes

i swear..my initial intentions was just to busta rhymes..but i gotta say..i mean i don't like justin bieber..but then he comes out with songs like this..with the sickest beats..i cant help but listen...

and no..its not about him actually that people generally don't like..its just his voice, and his songs..its like twilight only autotuned..and yes he's outgrown his voice..but still needs more time to develop..here's to hoping, he'll be an okay singer..

now on to the depressing matter at hand..I AM ON A HOLIDAY! loL! sorry..im on a sem break..finally..and yes the reason i've been gone was because im studying remember..

and another reason is because..i guess back then..my blog has been..my only..and i mean ONLY...english medium of expressing myself..but then i went to university, where i practically speak english every single day..i guess my venting has went to another medium..

DONT WORRY! it doesnt mean, my blog will be demolished, just less updated than before..

on to another matter...i was typing as usual on my search engine my blog name, and when i clicked and it loaded..suddenly..there was this page that popped up with my url address talking about mega cites for bible learning reading and what not...

and for that one particular minute, i was bamboozled..but then i typed it again and clicked and then it was fine..so then i started thinking..was it an ad? was that illegal? are they THAT desperate? why hijack someone's page just to inform others where they can find the same info on a newspaper...

then i realised...im a freaking muslim..were they trying to convert me? was it a ploy or a tactic?? or was it just accidental pop up?

loL! whatever it was...im glad my blog is still fine..nothing actually bad happened to it..phew..

well thats just it for now..

have fun with the meme's...LATER!!!!