Powerless by Linkin Park

am i right in this path? should i have chosen the other where i am on safer, more comfortable waters? i don't know..i have never been in such a situation before..i want to get out of it..i don't know what to do..yes..part of me is with her..with the future..but the other part, the promises, the memories, its there..

should i actually just walk away from all of it..should i just turn a blind eye and not go back to it..just leave it as it is..the past..

i just feel so hopeless, careless, powerless..

what am i suppose to do? what should i do? should i ask her? did i think this through? Yes it hurts, it effing does..but my head has not been right since that day..i have not been myself, i have been angrier, fuzzier, crazier..getting more and more emotional by the day..

how i wonder if im like this if i chose the other way..how i wonder if i will still be like this if i had chosen the past..its not regret..its more of curiousness..and doubt..its harder with you yes..its what i needed yes..its what i have...yes..its what i have..

im scared to feel hurt again, to be robbed again..but whose to say the same won't happen if i go back..whose to say that the waters are maybe just a calm before a storm..its all there..the risk, the heartache, the pain..it will always be there..but with whom? to whom? of whom? are those storm for..

I watched you fall apart.
and chased you to the end.
I'm left with emptiness.
that words cannot defend.
You'll never know what I became because of you.
Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose.

they say its always about the journey not the destination, but what if the journey and the destination isn't what we had in mind at all? what then?

later..